His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
