Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
