i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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