My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
