garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
