just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize