Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
