Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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