Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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