So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
