I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize