You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
