my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
