I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
