I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
