He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
