It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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