Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
