dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We left the knife in your bed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i think my cat just said my name.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
