Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
