Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
