Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
