i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
