I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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