Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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