i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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