there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
