seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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