every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
