shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Enjoy the penises
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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