I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
