Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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