Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
