Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
