I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
