sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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