He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
