never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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