nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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