Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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