i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
