i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
