Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
