I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
