Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
