need another drink. this is the easiest way
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My legs feel like baby dolphins
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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