Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You smell like stripper and shame
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
