No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
