My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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