Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
