I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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