your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
