tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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