I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
