I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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