I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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