She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
