Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
