We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
