I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
