I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
