I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
