My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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