I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
